HOW TO KNOW WHEN YOU'VE GONE NATIVE IN BEAUTIFUL OREGON
YOU KNOW YOU'VE GONE NATIVE WHEN:
You trade in your deluxe Camry for a four-wheel-drive Explorer.
You trade any motorized vehicle for a bike and a bus pass.
You have more running shoes and hiking boots than pumps
in your closet.
You carry a backpack, not a purse or a briefcase.
You bypass any coffee shop that doesn't offer at least
five varieties of latte.
You forget what the numbered factors on suntan lotion
containers means.
Nobody corrects you any more when you pronounce Willamette.
You are incapable of saying the word "Californian" without
using a derogatory adjective.
It's 55 degrees and raining, and you get up a half-hour early
to wash your shorts and T-shirts so you'll have something to
wear that day.
You have misplaced one umbrella for each month you've been
in Oregon.
You can give five reasons why native salmon runs are dwindling.
A visiting out-of-town relative compliments your hazelnut
bread and you start a family feud by insisting it be called
filbert bread.
Nobody corrects you anymore when you pronounce Champoeg.
You know at least three effective ways to kill slugs without
using poison.
Someone mentions surfing, and you ask whether the wind
is up in Hood River.
You have the surfboard rack on your car converted to a
mountain bike rack.
Your casual clothes and your yardwork clothes are one
and the same.
Your casual clothes and your business clothes are one
and the same.
When going on a picnic, you pack the tarp before the food.
When somebody mentions studs, you immediately think of
tires instead of male animals or lumber.
Nobody corrects you anymore when you pronounce Yachats.
You realize you've mowed the lawn more often than you've
made love in the past month.
You're able to comparison-shop for roof moss remover.
Not only do you no longer need to be shamed by coworkers
into joining the company's Hood to Coast team, but your
minivan becomes the team bus.
You use the word "Rosaria" in a sentence.
You are capable of debating the merits of at least five
Portland microbreweries or three Willamette Valley wineries
or any combination thereof.
You've learned the Pendleton Round-Up isn't a sale on wool
shirts and the Albany Timber Carnival wasn't a celebration of
antique wooden Ferris wheels. [Update 2005 - Alas, the Timber
Carnival is no more. Gone the way of other timber-related stuff.
You average only one nasty comment about Seattle per week.
You no longer need to pick up one of the little floor maps
when you enter Powell's Books.
Packy's birthday doesn't sneak up on you anymore.
It no longer seems odd to you that Oregon has an official
state nut, insect, fish, seashell, rock, gemstone (it's not
the same as the rock), tree and dance.
You don't laugh anymore at mention of the towns of Boring,
Riddle, Talent, Tangent, Drain, Sisters, Brothers, Echo,
Bonanza, Halfway, Paisley, Rufus or Spray.
Nobody corrects you anymore when you pronounce Gervais.
You give away Zucchini instead of receive it.
All of your relatives know how to pronounce Oregon.
Gray becomes your favorite color.
Slightly edited and occasionally updated From The Sunday Oregonian,
July 2, 1995 - By Pete Lesage
NOTE:
If you don't understand all of this, or don't know the locally "correct"
pronunciation of some of the places, click the green button!
Or to visit some other Oregon related sites: CLICK HERE
AND... now for the updated version....
YOU KNOW YOU LIVE IN OREGON WHEN
1. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to
pass a tractor on the highway.
2. "Vacation" means going to Portland for the weekend.
3. You measure distance in hours.
4. You know several people who have hit deer ...
more than once.
5. You use a down comforter in the summer.
6. Your grandparents drive at 65 mph through 2 feet of
water during a raging rainstorm ... without flinching.
7. You see people wearing hunting clothes to social events.
8. You install security lights on your house and
garage and leave both unlocked.
9. You think of the major food groups as elk meat,
venison, fish, and berries.
10. You carry jumper cables in your car and your
wife knows bow to use them.
11. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit
under a raincoat.
12. Driving is better in the winter because almost
everybody stays home.
13. You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and flannel pajamas.
14. You know all the important seasons: almost winter, winter,
still raining, road construction, deer season and elk season.
15. It takes you three hours to go to the store for one
item even when you're in a rush because you have to
stop and talk to everyone in town.
16. You actually understand these jokes.
fm PHHA 03/21/02
IN BEAUTIFUL OREGONOr to visit some other Oregon related sites: CLICK HERE
AND... now for theupdated version.... YOU KNOW YOU LIVE IN OREGON WHEN 1. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway. 2. "Vacation" means going to Portland for the weekend. 3. You measure distance in hours. 4. You know several people who have hit deer ... more than once. 5. You use a down comforter in the summer. 6. Your grandparents drive at 65 mph through 2 feet of water during a raging rainstorm ... without flinching. 7. You see people wearing hunting clothes to social events. 8. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked. 9. You think of the major food groups as elk meat, venison, fish, and berries. 10. You carry jumper cables in your car and your wife knows bow to use them. 11. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit under a raincoat. 12. Driving is better in the winter because almost everybody stays home. 13. You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and flannel pajamas. 14. You know all the important seasons: almost winter, winter, still raining, road construction, deer season and elk season. 15. It takes you three hours to go to the store for one item even when you're in a rush because you have to stop and talk to everyone in town. 16. You actually understand these jokes. fm PHHA 03/21/02
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