Funny words and expressions about words, mostly, but not entirely, from the web.
"Edlets"
New Words for Educators
CONIFERENCES - meetings between teachers and parents spent pining
for the good old days when schools and students
were better.
DYSPLOP - to sit somewhere other than your assigned seat.
HUMWORK - music listening for enjoyment at home while schoolwork
provides the background noise.
NEXCUSE - the reason for being tardy on Tuesday after being tardy
on Monday.
PERIPACRASTINATION - putting off grading all of those papers by
walking around during your preparation time.
PHENOMENONANDONANDONANDON - one of those science lectures that seems
like it will never end.
REMEDETENTION - having to serve detention again because you didn't
learn your lesson the first time.
SEESICK - That spinny feeling you get from spending an entire class
period watching a room of fidgeting, squirming, and tapping
students who couldn't sit still if their lives depended
on it.
SLACKPACKING - closing your books, gathering all of your belongings,
and getting all ready to go fifteen minutes before
the bell rings.
SLOQUACIOUS - descriptive of students who spend so much time talking
that their work progresses at a glacial pace.
ADLIBISTRATION - school leadership technique otherwise known as
"making it up as you go along."
HALLWAVE - the greeting from passing students in the hall to
students in your classroom.
ERASOGLYPHS - mysterious shapes and half-letters left on the
chalkboard from incomplete erasures.
CLOGNITION - the condition of getting and remaining stuck on a
problem or question.
F-MAIL - midterm failure notices sent home to parents.
SURPLIZES - what is delivered to your room when they mess up your
order of classroom supplies.
PENCIL SHAPENER - the mechanical device mounted on the wall of your
classroom that shapes rather than sharpens pencils.
SPATBALLS - the dried wads of paper found stuck to a variety of
surfaces in your classroom.
TRICKULUM - work given to students that really doesn't count, but
serves to keep them busy for a while.
FAUXPASS - the slip of paper with scribbles on it that a student uses
as a hall pass.
SUBSTIBUSE - the mistreatment of substitute teachers by the students.
CLOGWATCH - viewing the small doors during the mass rapid exodus
at the end of the period
fm New Words for Educators
------------------------------------------------------------
Word Power - New Words for the Week
1) ARACHNOLEPTIC FIT (n.) The frantic dance performed just
after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
2) BEELZEBUG (n.) Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets
into your bedroom at 3 in the morning and cannot be cast out.
3) BOZONE (n.) The substance surrounding stupid people that
stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer,
unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near
future.
4) CASHTRATION (n.) The act of buying a house, which renders
the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
5) CATERPALLOR (n.) The color you turn after finding half a
grub in the fruit you're eating.
6) DECAFLON (n.) The grueling event of getting through the
day consuming only things that are good for you.
7) DOPELAR effect (n.) The tendency of stupid ideas to seem
smarter when you come at them rapidly.
8) EXTRATERRESTAURANT (n.) An eating place where you feel
you've been abducted and experimented upon. Also known as
an E-T-ry.
9) FAUNACATED (adj.) How wildlife ends up when its environment
is destroyed. Hence faunacatering (v.), which has made a meal
of many species.
10) FOREPLOY (n.) Any misrepresentation or outright lie about
yourself that leads to sex.
11) GRANTARTICA (n.) The cold, isolated place where art
companies dwell without funding.
12) HEMAGLOBE (n.) The bloody state of the world.
13) INTAXICATION (n.) Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which
lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
14) KINSTIRPATION (n.) A painful inability to move
relatives who come to visit.
15) LULLABUOY (n.) An idea that keeps floating into your
head and prevents you from drifting off to sleep.
Mon Oct 12 08:26:08 1998
-------------------------------------------------------------
Winners of a New York Magazine contest were asked to take
a wellknown expression in a foreign language, change a single
letter, and provide a definition for the new expression.
RESPONDEZ S'IL VOUS PLAID
Honk if you're Scottish.
HARLEZ-VOUS FRANCAIS?
Can you drive a French motorcycle?
IDIOS AMIGOS
We're wild and crazy guys!
VENI, VIPI, VICI
I came, I'm a very important person, I conquered.
COGITO EGGO SUM
I think; therefore I am a waffle.
RIGOR MORRIS
The cat is dead.
QUE SERA SERF
Life is feudal.
LE ROI EST MORT. JIVE LE ROI
The king is dead. No kidding.
POSH MORTEM
Death styles of the rich and famous.
PRO BOZO PUBLICO
Support your local clown
(or politician, your call)
MON AGE A TROIS
I am three years old.
FELIX NAVIDAD
Our cat has a boat.
HASTE CUISINE
Fast French food.
VENI, VIDI, VICE
I came, I saw, I partied.
QUIP PRO QUO
A fast retort.
ALOHA OY
Love; greetings; farewell; from such a pain
you should never know.
MAZEL TON
Tons of luck.
VISA LA FRANCE
Don't leave your chateau without it.
L'ETAT, C'EST MOO
I'm bossy around here.
CARNE DIEM
Seize the meat.
fm MGR
------------------------------------------------------------
TERMS TO ADD TO YOUR VOCABULARY
IN THE LATE 90s OFFICE ENVIRONMENT:
ASSMOSIS - The process by which some people seem to absorb success
and advancement by kissing up to the boss. (another
definition: Expecting to learn from a book by sitting on it)
COBWEB - A WWW site that badly needs updating or is never updated.
CRAPPLET - A badly written or profoundly useless Java applet.
"I just wasted 30 minutes downloading that crapplet!"
SEAGULL MANAGER - A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise,
craps all over everything and then leaves.
SALMON DAY - The experience of spending an entire day swimming
upstream, only to get screwed and die in the end.
CHAINSAW CONSULTANT - An outside expert brought in to reduce the
Employee head count, leaving the brass with
clean hands. (Formerly: Axe Man)
CLM - Career Limiting Move - Used among microserfs to describe ill-
advised activity. Trashing your boss while he or she is within
earshot is a serious CLM.
DEJA POO - The feeling that you've stepped in this bull before.
ADMINISPHERE - The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above
the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the
adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or
irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.
DEAD TREE EDITION - The paper version of a publication available in
both paper and electronic forms.
DILBERTED - To be exploited and oppressed by your boss. Derived
from the experiences of Dilbert, the geek-in-hell comic
strip character. "I've been dilberted again. The old
man revised the specs for the fourth time this week."
DORITO SYNDROME - The feeling of emptiness and dissatisfaction
triggered by addictive substances that lack nutritional
content. "I just spent six hours surfing the Web, and
now I've got a bad case of Dorito Syndrome."
EGOSURFING - Scanning the Net, databases, etc., for one's own name.
ELVIS YEAR - The peak year of popularity as in "1993 was Barney
the dinosaur's Elvis year"
FLIGHT RISK - Used to describe employees who are suspected of planning
to leave the company or department soon.
404 - Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message
"404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not
be located. Used as in: "Don't bother asking him ... he's
404, man."
GENERICA - Features of the American landscape that are exactly the
same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints,
strip malls, or subdivisions. Used as in: "We were so lost
in generica that I forgot what city we were in."
OHNOSECOND - That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize
that you've just made a BIG mistake.
PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE - The fine art of whacking the crap out of an
electronic device to get it to work again.
UMFRIEND - A sexual relation of dubious standing or a concealed
intimate relationship, as in "This is Bridget, my ...
um ... friend."
BATMOBILING - putting up emotional shields. Refers to the retracting
armor that covers the Batmobile as in "she started
talking marriage and he started batmobiling"
BEEPILEPSY - The brief seizure people sometimes suffer when their
beepers go off, especially in vibrator mode.
Characterized by physical spasms, goofy facial
expressions, and stopping speech in mid-sentence.
BETAMAXED - When a technology is overtaken in the market by inferior
but better marketed competition as in "Microsoft betamaxed
Apple right out of the market"
BLAMESTORMING - A group discussion of why a deadline was missed or a
project failed... and who was responsible.
BLOWING YOUR BUFFER - Losing one's train of thought. Occurs when the
person you are speaking with won't let you get a word
in edgewise or has just said something so astonishing
that your train gets derailed. "Damn, I just blew my
buffer!" (Synonym: "Head Crash")
BODY NAZIS - Hard-core exercise and weightlifting fanatics who
look down on anyone who doesn't work out obsessively.
BOOKMARK - To take note of a person for future reference. "After
seeing his cool demo at Siggraph, I bookmarked him."
BRAIN FART - A byproduct of a bloated mind producing information
effortlessly; a burst of useful information. "I know
you're busy on the Microsoft story, but can you give
us a brain fart on the Mitnik bust?" Variation of old
hacker slang that had more negative connotations, ie,
a failure to see something completely obvious.
CGI JOE - A hard-core CGI script programmer with all the social
skills and charisma of a plastic action figure.
CROP DUSTING - Surreptitiously farting while passing thru a cube farm,
then enjoying the sounds of dismay and disgust; leads
to PRAIRIE DOGGING.....
CUBE FARM - An office filled with cubicles.
FEATURE - As in "It's a Feature" - From the old adage, "It's not
a bug, it's a feature." Used sarcastically to describe
an unpleasant problem you wish to gloss over.
GLAZING - Corporate-speak for sleeping with your eyes open;
a popular pastime at conferences and early-morning
meetings. "Didn't he notice that by the second session
half the room was glazing?" See: MEGLO
GOOD JOB - A "Get-Out-Of-Debt" job. A well-paying job people take
G.O.O.D. JOB in order to pay off their debts, one that they will quit
as soon as they are solvent again.
GRAYBAR LAND - The place you go while you're staring at a computer
that's processing something very slowly (while you watch
the gray bar creep across the screen). "That CAD rendering
put me in graybar land for like an hour."
GRAY MATTER - Older, experienced business people hired by young
entrepreneurial firms trying to appear more professional
and established.
HIGH DOME - Egghead, scientist, PhD, Wonk, Guru, Mage
IDEA HAMSTERS - People who always seem to have their idea
generators running.
KEYBOARD PLAQUE - The disgusting buildup of dirt and crud found on
some people's computer keyboards.
LINK ROT - The process by which web page's links become obsolete
as the sites they're connected to change or die.
MEATSPACE - The physical world (as opposed to the virtual) also
"carbon community" "facetime" "F2F" "RL"
MEGLO - "My Eyes Glaze/d Over". Espression of boredom with a
presentation or event.
MOUSE POTATO - The on-line, wired generation's answer to the
Couch Potato.
OPEN-COLLAR WORKERS - People who work at home or telecommute.
PEROT - To quit unexpectedly. "My cell phone just perot'ed."
PLUG-AND-PLAY - A new hire who doesn't require training.
"That new guy is totally plug-and-play."
PRAIRIE DOGGING - When someone yells or drops something loudly in
a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the
half-walls to see what's going on.
RibsN' Dick - A budget with no fat as in "we've got ribsn'
dick and we're supposed to find 20K for memory
upgrades"
SILIWOOD - The coming convergence of movies, interactive TV and
computers; also "Hollywired"
SITCOMs - What yuppies turn into when they have children and
one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.
Stands for: Single Income, Two Children,
Oppressive Mortgage.
SQUARE-HEADED SPOUSE - Computer
SQUIRT THE BIRD - To transmit a signal to a satellite.
STARTER MARRIAGE - A short-lived first marriage that ends in
divorce, with no kids, no property and no
regrets. See: TINKS
STRESS PUPPY - A person who seems to thrive on being stressed
out and whiny.
SWIPED OUT - An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless
because the magnetic strip is worn away from
extensive use.
TINKS - Two Incomes No Kids...
TOURISTS - People who take training classes just to get a vacation
from their jobs. Example: "We had three serious students
in the class; the rest were just tourists."
TREEWARE - Hacker slang for documentation or other printed material.
XEROX SUBSIDY - Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from
one's workplace.
GOING POSTAL - Euphemism for being totally stressed out, for losing
it. Makes reference to the unfortunate track record of
postal employees who have snapped and gone on shooting
rampages.
ALPHA GEEK - The most knowledgeable, technically proficient person in
an office or work group.
CHIPS AND SALSA - Chips = hardware, salsa = software: "Well, first we
gotta figure out if the problem's in your chips or
your salsa."
CHIP JEWELRY - Old computers destined to be scrapped or turned into
decoration. "I paid three grand for that Mac and now
it's nothing but chip jewelry."
IRRITAINMENT - Entertainment and media spectacles that are painfully
annoying but you find yourself unable to stop watching
them: The Michael Jackson trial, Paris Hilton, any
reality show, indoors or outdoors...
UNDER MOUSE ARREST - Getting busted for violating an online service's
rule of conduct. "Sorry I couldn't get back to you.
AOL put me under mouse arrest."
UNINSTALLED or DEINSTALLED - Euphemism for being fired. Heard on the
voicemail of a Vice President at a downsizing computer
firm: "You have reached the number of a deinstalled vice
president. Please dial our main number and ask the
operator for assistance. (See also, "Decruitment.")
VULCAN NERVE PINCH - The taxing hand position required to reach all
the appropriate keys for certain commands. For
instance, the warm reboot for a Mac II computer
involves simultaneously pressing the Control key,
the Command key, the Return key and the Power On
key.
WOOFYS - Well Off Older Folks.
WORLD WIDE WAIT - The real meaning of WWW.
YUPPIE FOOD STAMPS - The ubiquitous $20 bills spewed out of ATMs
everywhere. Often used when trying to split the
bill after a meal: "We owe $8 each, but all
anybody's got are yuppie food stamps.
fm AH/BJC/others...
-----------------------------------------------------------------
The Washington Post's Style Invitational asked readers to take
any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting,
or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are
some recent winners.
DECAFALON (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day
consuming only things that are good for you.
DOPELER EFFECT: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter
when they come at you rapidly.
GIRAFFITI: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
GLIBIDO: All talk and no action.
HIPATITIS: Terminal coolness.
IGNORANUS: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
INOCULATTE: To take coffee intravenously when you are
running late.
INTAXICATION: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts
until you realize it was your money to start with.
KARMAGEDDON (n): It's like, when everybody is sending off all these
really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth
explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
OSTEOPORNOSIS: A degenerate disease.
REINTARNATION: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
SARCHASM: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit
and the person who just doesn't get it.
fm WIT
--------------------------------------------------------
DEMONSTATED: The Devil made me do it!
Alt: Vocal directions from the boss...
INCONSEQUINCY: Only interesting to Jack Klugman...
FLATURENT: Smelly apartment.
STOOPID: Bent over and dumb.
12/05/99 tgs
Some others of mine...
--------------------------------------------------------
UNHOLSTERY: Ugly wallpaper or auto interior.
RAINLY: Rainy lately. Rainy Mainly. Mainly Rainy lately.
UNSLIGHTLY: Not thin.
121199 tgs
-------------------------------------------------------------
ANALIZED: Studied extensively from the wrong end.
121399 tgs
Some others of mine...
------------------------------------------------------------
Latin phrases for the day.
"Domino vobiscum."
(The pizza guy is here.)
"Sharpei diem."
(Seize the wrinkled dog.)
"Nucleo predicus dispella conducticus."
(Remove foil before microwaving.)
"Motorolus interruptus."
(Hold on, I'm going into a tunnel.)
"Bodicus mutilatimus, unemploymi forevercus."
(Better take the nose ring out before the job interview.)
"E Pluribus Tupac."
(Rap is everywhere.)
"Veni, vidi, Pesci."
(I came, I saw, I moidered da bum.)
"Veni, vidi, Velcro"
(I came; I saw; I stuck around.)
"Robotisticus Governantimus Inevitabilitus."
(Al Gore is going to be President.)
"Ignoramus Microsoftis multa pecunia dat."
(Yeah, where DO I want to go today??)
"Sic semper tyrannus."
(Your dinosaur is ill.)
"No Quid Pro Quo."
(I'm Sorry, We're All Out of Quid.)
"Tempo fugit."
(I drove my Ford off a bridge.)
"E pluribus septum."
(Multiple nose piercings.)
"Publicus intercoursus sufficientus"
(The people have been screwed long enough.)
"Illegtimus non carborundum"
(Don't let the bastards grind you down.)
"Canae femininis non carborundum"
(Don't let the bitch get you down.)
"Stereo decisus"
(We need a new hi-fi.)
"Corpus delicti"
(A necrophiliac's favorite dish.)
"Obiter dicta"
(You're on your own with this one.)
JAD? via AH 03/08/00
-------------------------------------------------------------
Old Words. New Definitions
The following are from the Washington Post Style Invitational (a
weekly contest for readers). The idea is to redefine words from
the dictionary.
ABDICATE--v., to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
ESPLANADE--v., to attempt an explanation while drunk.
WILLY-NILLY--adj., impotent.
FLABBERGASTED--adj., appalled over how much weight you have gained.
NEGLIGENT--adj., describes a condition in which you absentmindedly
answer the door in your nightie.
LYMPH--v., to walk with a lisp.
GARGOYLE--n., an olive-flavored mouthwash.
BUSTARD--n., a very rude Metro bus driver.
COFFEE--n., a person who is coughed upon.
FLATULENCE--n., the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you
are run over by a steamroller.
BALDERDASH--n., a rapidly receding hairline
TESTICLE--n., a humorous question on an exam.
SEMANTICS--n., pranks conducted by young men studying for the
priesthood, including such things as gluing the pages of
the priest's prayer book together just before vespers.
RECTITUDE--n., the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a
proctologist immediately before he examines you.
MARIONETTES--n., residents of Washington who have been jerked
around by the mayor.
fm BJC
--------------------------------------------------------------
Vegetarian: An ancient Indian word meaning "Lousy Hunter"
fm BJC 07/26/00
--------------------------------------------------------------
BETTER DEFINITIONS
ADULT:
A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is
now growing in the middle.
BEAUTY PARLOR:
A place where women curl up and dye.
CANNIBAL:
Someone who is fed up with people.
CHICKENS:
The only animals you eat before they are born
and after they are dead.
COMMITTEE:
A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
DUST:
Mud with the juice squeezed out.
EGOTIST:
Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.
GOSSIP:
A person who will never tell a lie if the truth
will do more damage.
HANDKERCHIEF:
Cold Storage.
INFLATION:
Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.
MYTH:
A female moth.
MOSQUITO:
An insect that makes you like flies better.
RAISIN:
Grape with a sunburn.
SECRET:
Something you tell to one person at a time.
SKELETON:
A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.
TOOTHACHE:
The pain that drives you to extraction.
TOMORROW:
One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.
YAWN:
An honest opinion openly expressed.
WRINKLES:
Something other people have. You have character lines.
Unknown source(s)
------------------------------------------------------------
Late additions:
DEJA MOO - The feeling you've stepped in this BS before.
(See also DEJA POO above.) Both from Buzzwhack.
GOOBURRITO - Peanut butter and jelly wrapped in a tortilla...
07/23/05 tgs
Some others of mine...
----------------------------END-----------------------------
Pagetender
Top
Home